


Too Classy For Walmart

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 12:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7934182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HammyMyMammy: i remember everything</p><p>HercuPLS: wait</p><p>TheFrenchiestBi: if u remember that does that mean u remember ,,,, t h a t</p><p>HammyMyMammy: yes</p><p>HammyMyMammy: e v e r y t h i n g</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Classy For Walmart

**Author's Note:**

> Alexander Hamilton = HammyMyMammy  
> John Laurens = YAWNathan  
> Hercules Mulligan = HercuPLS  
> Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette = TheFrenchiestBi  
> Adrienne de Noailles = Adream

TheFrenchiestBi: MY TRUE LOVE IS HERE

TheFrenchiestBi: ADRIENNE

HammyMyMammy: okay but something i’ve been meaning to ask you

HammyMyMammy: how did u find out her name in the first place

TheFrenchiestBi: they call out ur name at the coffee shop alex

YAWNathan: but u knew her last name

TheFrenchiestBi: no comment

HercuPLS: laf

HercuPLS: that’s creepy

HammyMyMammy: BUT ONTO MORE IMPORTANT THINGS

HammyMyMammy: SPEAK TO HER

TheFrenchiestBi: BUT H O W

YAWNathan: idk ur cute use that

TheFrenchiestBi: u think I’m cute ?!? omg ur so sweet <3 <3 <3

HercuPLS: u kno ur attractive u don’t need to act surprised

TheFrenchiestBi: tru

HammyMyMammy: WELL USE IT

YAWNathan: and ur like an overenthusiastic puppy in most things and if she is ur soulmate i’m sure she’ll be into it

HercuPLS: tru

TheFrenchiestBi: I’M DOING IT

YAWNathan: put ur phone away u moron, don’t look that dependent on emotional support from others, this is possibly the most important moment in ur life

TheFrenchiestBi: ur right

\---

HammyMyMammy: it’s been three hours i’m worried

HercuPLS: i’m sure it’s fine we would have heard from him by now if anything had gone wrong

YAWNathan: this is laf his phone is literally never unplugged

HammyMyMammy: but i’m panicking

YAWNathan: ur always panicking

HercuPLS: maybe they’re doing what u did and getting it on like donkey kong

HammyMyMammy: THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED

YAWNathan: yeah remember alex threw a fit bc i was too far away

HercuPLS: ur right

HercuPLS: but guess what

HammyMyMammy: what

HercuPLS: they’re not too far away from each other

YAWNathan: they’re in a public place they wouldn’t

HercuPLS: very little stops laf once he gets an idea, u kno this

YAWNathan: sadly i do

HammyMyMammy: remember that time he went black friday shopping wearing a onesie and burr’s crocs bc he wanted to go black friday shopping to “properly experience american culture” but was too lazy to tie his shoes and then he went to all the designer stores that didn’t even have sales bc he considered himself too classy for walmart

HammyMyMammy: he went to saks and spent thousands of dollars all while wearing a bright blue onesie with pink rubber ducks printed on it and bright yellow crocs

HammyMyMammy: i don’t think anything could stand in his way after that

HercuPLS: I tried very hard to forget that

HercuPLS: yet ur not letting me

HammyMyMammy: if i have to keep that image in my brain so does everyone else

YAWNanthan: i think i still have the pictures on my phone

HercuPLS: that was like eight years ago

YAWNathan: the cloud remembers all

HammyMyMammy: the c l o u d

HammyMyMammy: can we show the pics to adrienne when laf finally actually introduces her so she is fully aware of what she is getting into

YAWNathan: i didn’t get a disclaimer like that

HammyMyMammy: john we’ve been friends for years this chat is its own disclaimer

HercuPLS: i hate you all so much

YAWNathan: don’t worry hercules someday ur prince will come

HercuPLS: what if i told u i don’t want a prince

HercuPLS: but a princESS

HammyMyMammy: herc that’s a nice thought but ur literally the one who sees a shirtless man run by and then turns and grabs the nearest person to remind them how gay u r

HammyMyMammy: everyone assumes that i am that person in that group

HammyMyMammy: but they’d be wrong

HammyMyMammy: bc it is u

YAWNathan: remember that time when we all went with alex for fall break and herc went into the workout room by accident and we had to physically pull him away bc he got distracted by alex’s dad’s arms

HercuPLS: I do remember that, actually

HercuPLS: those arms have remained a prevalent player in my fantasies

HammyMyMammy: u disgust me

HercuPLS: ur father is f i n e

HercuPLS: like,,,,

HercuPLS: if ur parents ever split up or u hear he’s looking for a young male side-piece, tell him to hit me up

HammyMyMammy: n o

YAWNathan: @HercuPLS i got ur back

HercuPLS: and just saying, but,,, george washington would be a king not a prince

YAWNathan: someday ur king will come

HercuPLS: damn right

HammyMyMammy: d i s g u s t i n g

TheFrenchiestBi: HELLO I HAVE NEWS

HammyMyMammy: THANK THE LORD JESUS CHRIST AND ALL OF HIS DISCIPLES AMEN

TheFrenchiestBi: I ? ??

YAWNathan: hercules was having a thirst fest over alex’s dad

TheFrenchiestBi: i see

TheFrenchiestBi: @HercuPLS i feel u

HercuPLS: right tho

HammyMyMammy: MOVING ON

TheFrenchiestBi: I HAVE BECOME FURTHER ACQUAINTED WITH ADRIENNE

YAWNAthan: but have u become FULLY acquainted with Adrienne ;-) ;-) ;-)

TheFrenchiestBi: she, like I, has class

HercuPLS: we all kno rich people have sex laf don’t try to use that as an excuse

TheFrenchiestBi: WE DID NOT HAVE SEX IN THE COFFEE SHOP

HammyMyMammy: but y not

TheFrenchiestBi: why would we

HammyMyMammy: bc ? sex ??? is really ????? gr10 ???

YAWNathan: he’s not wrong

TheFrenchiestBi: WE JUST SAT DOWN AND TALKED

TheFrenchiestBi: SHE THINKS I’M CUTE !!!

HercuPLS: why wouldn’t she think ur cute ur adorable

TheFrenchiestBi: I !! KNOW !!!!!!!

YAWNathan: do ur soulmarks match ?

TheFrenchiestBi: YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

TheFrenchiestBi: IT’S A M A Z I N G

TheFrenchiestBi: and we talked in french and she’s really smart and amazing and beautiful and i am in love™

HammyMyMammy: congratulations

TheFrenchiestBi: Thank you !!!!!

HercuPLS: when do we get to meet her

TheFrenchiestBi: i don’t trust you to ruin what progress i’ve made

YAWNathan: do u have her number

TheFrenchiestBi: !!!

TheFrenchiestBi: yes !!!

YAWNathan: add her

HercuPLS: ADD HER

HammyMyMammy: A D D H E R

TheFrenchiestBi: no

TheFrenchiestBi: she doesn’t deserve this

TheFrenchiestBi: she is too good for this

YAWNathan: ADDHERADDHERADDHERADDHER

HercuPLS: laf

HercuPLS: pls

TheFrenchiestBi: i cannot

HammyMyMammy: Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette

HammyMyMammy: as ur friend

HammyMyMammy: i command u add her to this chat rn

TheFrenchiestBi: how do u kno my full name i’ve never told u

HammyMyMammy: i’ve known u 5ever i kno ur full name

HercuPLS: he’s never told us tho

HammyMyMammy: he made me call him that one time while drunk

YAWNathan: u would’ve also been drunk

HammyMyMammy: yes

HammyMyMammy: i remember everything

HercuPLS: wait

TheFrenchiestBi: if u remember that does that mean u remember ,,,, t h a t

HammyMyMammy: yes

HammyMyMammy: e v e r y t h i n g

YAWNathan: even that time, , where i,, did, f,,, a t hing

HammyMyMammy: when u picked a random man at the club and sucked his dick in the back alley and then when u went into class the next day realized that it was professor adams? Yes

TheFrenchiestBi: oh my fuckign god

HercuPLS: u mean to tell me YAWNathan: THAT WAS MEANT TO BE PRIVATE

HammyMyMammy: u shouldn’t have brought it up then YAWNathan: WHAT IF I WAS TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

HammyMyMammy: the time u got drunk and went to an african culture club meeting and cut a banner in half and told them they were all free before passing out and we had to take u all to a hospital

YAWNathan: i never did that

HercuPLS: i remember that

TheFrenchiestBi: oui

HammyMyMammy: u were day drinking bc u didn’t want to check ur grades while sober

YAWNathan: how come u never mentioned this before

HammyMyMammy: i didn’t kno u didn’t remember

YAWNathan: I,,,,

TheFrenchiestBi: and u wonder why i refuse to add my light and soul to this chat

HercuPLS: there is no way she’s never going to find this stuff out tho

HercuPLS: ur not going to stay sober during ur entire relationship with her

HercuPLS: it’s all going to come up eventually

TheFrenchiestBi: w a t c h m e

HammyMyMammy: I’ll find her and tell her myself

YAWNathan: i’ll bring my phone

YAWNathan: with pictures

YAWNathan: and v i d e o

TheFrenchiestBi: HOW DARE YOU THREATEN ME IN SUCH A MANNER

HercuPLS: add her

TheFrenchiestBi: f i n e

TheFrenchiestBi has added Adream to the chat

TheFrenchiestBi: I am sorry for this, I really, really am. They wanted to meet (does this count as meeting?) the woman who i’ve been singing the praises of and you can leave if you want I promise

HammyMyMammy: DO NOT LEAVE

HammyMyMammy: YOU ARE WELCOME HERE

YAWNathan: S T A Y

HercuPLS: Ignore them. I’m Hercules, aka Laf’s freshman roommate who has somehow managed to remain friends with him

HammyMyMammy: i was also in this room. My name is Alexander

YAWNathan: it was a quad

YAWNathan: call me John

Adream: Hi Hercules, Alexander, John, and Gilbert

TheFrenchiestBi: Hi

Adream: Did you guys all know that when you compliment Gilbert he blushes and I didn’t realize he had freckles but they stand out when his cheeks go pink

YAWNathan: omg

HammyMyMammy: that’s adorable

TheFrenchiestBi: …

Adream: :-)

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I HAD JOHN MAKE A TYPO BUT Ao3 INTERPRETED THAT TYPO AS HTML SO HALF OF THIS SEGMENT WAS LOST SO IT IS ADDED NOW
> 
> EDIT #2: IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT ALEXANDER'S USERNAME CONTAINS A SLUR, IT WILL BE CHANGED IN FUTURE SEGMENTS, AND I WANT TO OFFER A SINCERE APOLOGY TO ANYONE WHO I HAVE OFFENDED. I WAS GENUINELY NOT AWARE, SO I PROMISE THAT IT WAS NOT DONE WITH ILL-INTENT. THANK YOU TO THE COMMENTER WHO POINTED THAT OUT SO THAT I COULD CORRECT THIS.
> 
> I think I'm going to try my best to stick with what became my usual update schedule during the summer - though that might be difficult because of college lol
> 
> Please feel free to come pester me on my tumblr: kookookarli.tumblr.com or twitter: @theunnamedgod :-)
> 
> I didn't expect such a great response with the first segment, thank you so much!!! Let me know what you think of this one!!!
> 
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


End file.
